WHAT I READ IN 2020

I read 66 books this year, more than any year since 2011.  A pandemic will do that for you, I guess.  That said, given I read 60 books last year, I’m surprised this year isn’t more.  I seem to have had nothing but time, so I’m not sure what I filled it with.  Some serious wall staring, probably. 

I’m half half male and female writers this year, so that’s a positive.

My favourites:

CHERRY, by Nico Walker.  A wonderfully hilarious and strangely poetic story of military service and heroin addiction.  The girl he has a crush on, who was “either a slut or just real down to earth;” the starling with big dick energy; the time he vomited down the front of his shirt while trying to rob a bank.  Amazing. 

THE COPEHAGEN TRILOGY by Tove Ditlevsen.  I’ve never read a memoir so totally without justifications or excuses.  Creepy but brilliant.  Covers her life from childhood rickets to poetry to drug addiction.

SOLITARY by Albert Woodfox.  The only non-fiction on the list. It is not a book about which it my business to say if it was ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but rather just to be astonished at what Albert Woodfox has achieved, which is surviving forty years in solitary confinement with his sanity intact. 

NOTHING TO SEE HERE by Kevin Wilson.  A near miraculously clever, bleak book, about a poor girl who “isn’t destined for greatness but is figuring out how to steal it from someone stupid enough to relax their grip on it.”  Also involves children who bust into flames.

NOTES ON A SCANDAL by Zoe Heller.  A taut and exciting book about loneliness.  Let me quote at self-indulgent length: 

Being alone is not the most awful thing in the world . . . You visit your museums and cultivate your interests and remind yourself how lucky you are not to be one of those spindly Sudanese children with flies beading their mouths.  You make out To Do lists – reorganize linen cupboard, learn two sonnets.  You dole out little treats to yourself – slices of ice cream cake, concerts at Wigmore Hall.  And then, every once in a while, you wake up and gaze out of the window at another bloody daybreak, and think, I cannot do this any more.  I cannot pull myself together again and spend the next fifteen hours of wakefulness fending off the fact of my own misery.

And that’s the perfect ending I think for a roundup of this plague year, during which, more than ever, my books have been a delight, a consolation, and an escape. 

The list:

THE GLASS CASTLE by Jennette Walls

CREATE DANGEROUSLY by Albert Camus

SEA WIFE by Amity Grainge

WRITERS & LOVERS by Lily King

COOL FOR AMERICA by Andrew Martin

HOUSE OF HUNGER by Dambudzo Maruchera

MR SALARY by Sally Rooney

SEVERANCE by Ling Ma

MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION by Ottessa Moshfegh

LEAVE THE WORLD BEHIND by Rumaan Alam

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT LOVE by Dolly Alderton

TOPEKA SCHOOL by Ben Lerner

AUGUSTUS by John Williams

THE ROOMMATE by Rosie Dannan

THE GREENGAGE SUMMER by Rumer Godden

THE NONESUCH by Georgette Heyer

LEOPARD IS A NEUTRAL by Erica Davies

ANGLE OF REPOSE by Wallace Stegner

OHIO by Stephen Markley

THIS MOURNABLE BODY by Tsitsi Dangarembga

HONS AND REBELS by Jessica Mitford

SATISFACTION by Gillian Greenwood

THE CONFESSIONS OF MAX TIVOLI by Andrew Sean Greer

THE YELLOW HOUSE by Sarah M Broom

CHERRY by Nico Walker

INTO THE WILD by John Krakeur

THE HUMAN STAIN by Philip Roth

THE GREAT BELIEVERS by Rebecca Makkai

I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS by Maya Angelou

THE DIARY OF A NOBODY by George and Weedon Grossmith

THE UNKNOWN AJAX by Georgette Heyer

THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN by Wallace Stegner

WHEN YOU ARE ENGULFED IN FLAMES by David Sedaris

EXCITING TIMES by Naoise Dolan

NOTHING TO SEE HERE by Kevin Wilson

THE THORNBIRDS by Colleen McCullough

NIGHT BOAT TO TANGIERS by Kevin Barry

CARRIE by Stephen King

A GIRL’S STORY by Annie Ernaux

RUNNING WITH SCISSORS by Augusten Burroughs

NOTES ON A SCANDAL by Zoe Heller

 A JOURNAL OF THE PLAGUE YEAR by Daniel Defoe

MAGICAL TIHNKING by Augusten Burroughs

HALF EMPTY by David Rakoff

AND QUIET FLOWS THE DON by Mikhail Sholokhov

DEPENDENCY by Tove Ditlevsen

I WAS TOLD THERE’D BE CAKE by Sloane Crowley

TO CALAIS, IN ORDINARY TIME by James Meek

MY MISSPENT YOUTH by Meghan Daum

HOW COULD SHE by Lauren Mechling

ON WRITING: A MEMOIR OF THE CRAFT by Stephen King

YOUTH by Tove Ditlevsen

THE SECOND SLEEP by Robert Harris

PRIESTDADDY by Patricia Lockwood

I FEEL BAD ABOUT MY NECK by Nora Ephron

A PERFECT SPY by John Le Carre

INDONESIA by Elisabeth Pisani

CHILDHOOD by Tove Ditlevsen

CALYPSO by David Sedaris

EXPECTATION by Anna Hope

THINGS WE DIDN’T TALK ABOUT WHEN I WAS A GIRL by Jeannie Vanasco

SOLITARY by Albert Woodfox

COST OF LIVING by Deborah Levy

LUCKY JIM by Kingsley Amis

MOUNTAIN LION by Jean Stafford

THE GLASS CASTLE by Jeannette Walls

In this memoir, a wealthy gossip columnist lives on Park Avenue while her parents live on the streets.  Bizarrely, your sympathies are 100% with the gossip columnist.

There are many memoirs of rough childhoods.  Usually, this comes from some clear cut cause, as for example addiction, mental illness, etc.  Here, it seems to come from an over-abundance of romance and self-indulgence. 

The dad kind of has a semi-excuse, being an alcoholic.  But first, weren’t most peoples’ dads alcoholics in the 1970s?  I’m not really sure that that cuts it. And second, he declines the most basic of help (e.g.,food stamps) even when he is sober.  And this is when these small kids have not had anything other than popcorn to eat in three days. 

The mum meanwhile is a whole other story.  She refuses to work, despite being a trained teacher, for the strong reason that she does not want to.  She wants to paint, write novels, and eat chocolate. When they do get her to briefly work, she complains every morning: “I’m a grown woman now.  Why can’t I do what I want to do?”  

I mean I can’t say I don’t see where she is coming from.  Less attractive is when she tells her daughter, who has been groped, that sexual assault is a “crime of perception,” and even less attractive is when she hides a family size Hershey bar from her very hungry children so she can eat it herself.

The parents are well educated, and so early on, while they are still young and maybe classifiable as ‘alternative,’ they do provide the children with lots of excitement and interesting experiences.  Over time though, without money, ‘alternative’ becomes ‘gross.’  Their children escape them to go live in New York, where they mostly thrive. The parents follow, and weirdly decide to be homeless, despite the offer of help from their (remarkably forgiving) kids and – strange twist – the revelation that the mother owns very valuable land in Texas, and has done for their entire, impoverished lives.

The book has a highly suspicious amount of detail about the author’s life before the age of ten.  I googled it when I was done, fully expecting lots of libel suits, but apparently her family agrees that this is indeed, really bizarrely, how this all went down.   I finished the whole thing in a night, something I haven’t done in a while.

CREATE DANGEROUSLY by Albert Camus

Camus has clearly never heard the advice that you ought to begin a speech with a joke. In this collection of three short speeches he dives right in with the super serious thoughts on the big topics: art, politics, relationship between art and politics.  As always, when reading from this period I am surprised, and almost ashamed, by the sincerity with which people speak.  We seem to be many miles away from feeling we can speak with authority today on any subject. 

He has a lot to say about Soviet realism, and how impossible ‘realism’ really is:

But under what conditions is such a (realistic) film possible?  Under purely imaginary conditions.  We should have to presuppose, in fact, an idea camera focused on the man day and night and constantly registering his every move.  . . (and such a film) could be seen only by an audience of people willing to waste their lives in watching someone else’s life in great detail.    

Best he not know about BIG BROTHER and SUN, SEX AND SUSPICIOUS PARENTS.  He has a lot to say about the responsibility of the artist in the post-WWII world:

An Oriental wise man always used to ask the divinity in his prayers to be so kind as to spare him from living in an interesting era.  As we are not wise, the divinity has not spared us and we are living in an interesting era. 

I love this.  I don’t especially admire Lord of the Rings, but I often used to think of this bit when I was feeling depressed about the Zimbabwean situation:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Last point, I was interested to learn in writing this blog that in fact Camus was not French but Algerian.  I mean he held the former passport, but he was born in and spent the majority of his life in Algiers.  Interesting that I’ve only ever heard him described as French. Also, he was the second youngest person ever to win the Nobel, at 44, and was dead at 46 in car accident.  A sentence the first part of which makes me feel rather disappointed in my life, the second part of which makes me feel very grateful.  Rollercoaster.     

SEA WIFE by Amity Gaige

In this novel a man goes off to live his dreams.  He ends up dead.  Why is this so often the way?  I suspect on some level we don’t want to read about someone leaving their life to do something crazy and it ending well.  Because that raises questions about our own life.

Michael convinces his wife to go sailing for a year with their small children.  He does not know much about sailing, and his wife is resistant at first, and also at last.  But they do it. As the husband says, to the many people who raise objections:

. . I think there’s something wrong with the line of thought that it’s reasonable to defer your modest dream for several decades.  What are we, characters in a Greek myth?  Waiting for the eagle who comes to our liver every day because in a Greek myth, that’s normal?

SEA WIFE is about their year at sea, but also about their marriage.  At first your sympathy is with the wife, because truly the husband does seem kind of crazy, and he apparently voted for Trump.  Over time though, I had to say I came round to his side, because the wife really is useless and whiney.  She is horrified to find they are in debt, because as she explains:   

I never asked questions about money

As if this is a reasonable excuse!  How about you are an adult?  Like what is the guy supposed to do? She also is relentlessly lazy about learning to sail, and then when the husband gets Dengue fever mid-ocean she acts like a lost puppy.  I mean why did Emmeline Pankhurst even bother?

WRITERS AND LOVERS by Lily King

It’s been a long time since I read a book that had a straightforward happy ending.  I enjoyed it: it gave me hope.  Modern literature never ends on “Reader, I married him.”  More like: “Reader, I married him.  And that was the beginning of our problems.”  It’s like we can’t accept that there can be such a thing as happiness – it always has to be equivocal, and coloured by upcoming death. It’s like we think we are too good for happiness.

WRITERS AND LOVERS is about a woman in her thirties who is deeply in debt (student loans), recently bereaved (her mother), recently dumped (poet!), and has been working on her first novel for six long years, with no end in sight.  She pays the bills by waiting tables.  Clearly Lily King has waited tables, because there is a lot of detail on this, and I gained a lot more respect for what is involved in waiting tables. 

Here she is thinking about this ex-boyfriend, or was he a boyfriend, this was part of the problem:

You taste like the moon, Luke said out in that field in the Berkshires. Fucking poet.  On the path a few people are holding hands, drinking from bottles, lying in the grass because they can’t see all the green goose poop. 

For all she is now so miserable she has two competing suitors, and much of the book involves her going back and forth between them.  She also receives rejections for her novel, and I was reminded how many people sacrifice hugely so we eventually get to those few people who manage to do something wonderful.  It’s like the gods of art demand blood.

 At one point she starts to have what appears to be a breakdown.  This for me is always a red flag: here we go with ‘dream sequence’ type writing, but we avoid this.  She sells her novel, she chooses her man: happily ever after. 

COOL FOR AMERICA by Andrew Martin

I adore Andrew Martin’s first book, EARLY WORK, in a way that makes feel gnaw-my-own-arm-off crazy.  I’ve read it twice, here and here.  So when his second book COOL FOR AMERICA came out, I bought it straight away, even though I don’t really approve of buying hardbacks, because it is decadent.

I don’t love these short stories as much as EARLY WORK, but let’s face it, there is almost nothing I love like I love EARLY WORK.  The stories are sort of similar to EARLY WORK (I just like typing the name) being about writing, and drinking, and cheating. 

As one character puts it:

The pursuit of unavailable women was the closest I could get to a life’s passion.

And the book is much about the beginning of relationships, and about their endings, often overlapping.  Try these various thoughts about possible romantic partners:

. . . .maybe it was his lack of anxiety about his literary status that made him so good in bed.  Leave it to somebody else to pierce the human heart with punctuation

Or this, about an effort to write a grown-up email to an ex:

. . . these thoughts wouldn’t form themselves into coherent sentences on the screen, maybe because she wasn’t sure they were true.  She hadn’t forgotten the ugly melodrama of their final months together and she hadn’t forgotten the ugly melodrama of their final months together and she hadn’t forgiven him for going off to Italy for a fellowship without her, like a punk-ass.  The worst thing about studying art history was the artists.

There is lots of other stuff I love.  Here a character is going home:

. . .he wished he could justify not returning to the primodial slop, which, no matter how hard he tried for it not to, left him dizzy with despair every time he was re-immersed in it.

I don’t especially like short stories. I don’t like being pulled into something just in time for it to end, and I don’t like that very often that ending feels awkward and forced, trying to squeeze out meaning like a difficult pimple.  But despite all this I still enjoyed COOL FOR AMERICA.   I can’t wait for him to write something else

HOUSE OF HUNGER by Dambudzo Maruchera

Dambudzo Maruchera lived a short and remarkable life.  He was born in Rusape (a small town in Zimbabwe) to a mortuary attendant and a maid, and had a rough childhood.  He excelled at school, and went to the Universities of Rhodesia and then Oxford, neither of which worked out.  He drank a lot, maybe had some mental health challenges, and was dead of AIDS at 35.  And somewhere in there, he wrote a handful of books that revolutionized African literature

HOUSE OF HUNGER is his most famous book.  It begins with this amazing first line:

I got my things and left. 

I love this. I don’t know why.  Humour me by letting me quote extensively. Here he is talking to his mother and his brother:

That hoarse bass voice of hers had not always been like that.  She blamed it on the way she had ‘come down in the world;’ which was merely a euphemism about her excessive drinking. . . She liked nothing better than to nag me about how she had not educated me to merely sit on my arse. And when nagging me her language would take on such an earthy hue it made me wonder why I ever bothered to even think about humanity. . .

“I sent you to University,” she said.  “There must be big jobs waiting for you out there.”

“Tell that to Ian Smith,” Peter butted in maliciously.  “All you did was starve yourself to send this shit to school while Smith made sure that the kind of education he got was exactly what has made him like this.”

I did not like this so I began to whistle ‘Little Jack Horner Sat in a Corner.’

Peter, as usual when something indistinct disgusts him, farted long and loudly and spat in my general direction, and muttered something about capitalists and imperialists. 

“And the bloody whites,” I added, for this trinity was for him the thing that held the House of Hunger in a stinking grip. 

One of the most interesting things about the world is how he inhabits two worlds, local and global at the same time.  Try this, on the local prostitutes:

Most of them had nowhere secret to take their numerous clients.  They used the bush instead.  The countryside, up to then, had left me cold and indifferent; later a hasty affair with Wordsworth’s Prelude swung me to the opposite extreme.

An amazing mashup.  It’s a bold, weird, exciting book, and makes me proud to be a Zimbabwean. 

MR SALARY by Sally Rooney

I didn’t know what the aftershave was called but I knew what the bottle looked like.  I saw it in drugstores sometimes and if I was having a bad day I let myself screw the cap off.

Truly I am becoming a superfan.  This is just vintage Sally Rooney and I am super into it. This is a single short story, sold in paperback, and apparently I bought it. Due to be a huge superfan. 

It is often a mistake to read more of an author when you really like any single book of theirs, for the reason that you begin to see through their tricks (e.g., don’t read BLOOD MERIDIAN after THE ROAD. You find out McCarthy just has a thing for men in transit).  But somehow this isn’t happening for me with Rooney, despite the fact that this tiny 33 page story, MR SALARY is straight from her playbook (i.e., tortured love affair, emotional distance, clever conversation).

Here a young woman who is pining for her much older housemate:

My love for him felt so total and so annihilating that it was often impossible for me to see him clearly at all

While being a super hard core millennial. 

My suitcase was ugly and I was trying to carry it with a degree of irony

Honestly I am not sure any other generation has ever been so afraid of sincerity.  Eventually she becomes brave enough to suggest they get together.  This is triggered by, bizarrely, her seeing a sleeping bag in a river. Along with everyone else on the bridge, she thinks it is a body.  When it is clear it is not, she realizes:

. . .I had stood there waiting to see the body in the river, ignoring the real living bodies all around me, as if death was more of a miracle than life was.

Write faster Sally Rooney!  I need MORE! 

SEVERANCE by Ling Ma

Here is an unusual and enjoyable apocalypse.  People are infected by a fungus that slowly removes their higher functions, so that eventually they are only able to go through the routines of their life, repeating familiar loops, till they die of exhaustion/starvation.  It’s weirdly poetic, with – for example – a single Gap store remaining pristine, because one of ‘the fevered’ is stuck in a routine there, endlessly folding and refolding. 

The protagonist, Candace, is just getting dumped by her boyfriend as the book begins.  He wants to be an artist, and doesn’t want to have to have a ‘job.’  Candace also wants to be an artist, and also doesn’t want to have a job, but is more on the realistic suck-it-up end of the spectrum.  The infection comes out of China (this book is really eerily Covid-y), and she agrees to stay as the skeleton staff in her office in New York, enjoying the familiarity of her routines as the city empties. 

Eventually she escapes the city and falls in with a group of survivors, the leader of whom very quickly loses his sense of proportion.  One of the members of their group visits her childhood home and almost immediately gets stuck in a loop.  Apparently familiarity is a trigger:

The past is a black hole, cut into the present day like a wound, and if you come too close, you can get sucked in.

Don’t need a pandemic to learn that. 

So a mysterious and interesting book, albeit with some unnecessary and exceedingly woke sidebars about capitalism and immigration.  This concept of your routine as both comforting and deadly I keep thinking about.  As she says towards the end:

To live in a city is to live the life that it was built for, to adapt to its schedule and rhythms, to move within the transit layout made for you during the morning and evening rush, winding through the crowds of fellow commuters. To live in a city is to consume its offerings. To eat at its restaurants. To drink at its bars. To shop at its stores. To pay its sales taxes. To give a dollar to its homeless.
To live in a city is to take part in and to propagate its impossible systems. To wake up. To go to work in the morning. It is also to take pleasure in those systems because, otherwise, who could repeat the same routines, year in, year out?

I feel there is something important about this, but I can’t quite figure out what it is

MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION by Ottessa Moshfegh

In this book, the general principle that you will feel better after a nap is here taken to its extreme.  A young woman is tired and miserable, so she decides to go to sleep.  For a year.  She does this by finding an irresponsible psychiatrist and medicating herself in dangerous ways.

This lady is a major hater, and much of the enjoyment of this book is seeing how she goes about her hating.  Let me make one extensive quotation to give you a flavour:

 “Dudes” reading Nietzsche on the subway, reading Proust, reading David Foster Wallace, jotting down their brilliant thoughts into a black Moleskine pocket notebook. Beer bellies and skinny legs, zip-up hoodies, navy blue peacoats or army green parkas, New Balance sneakers, knit hats, canvas tote bags, small hands, hairy knuckles, maybe a deer head tattooed across a flabby bicep . . . They would come into Ducat, the gallery I ended up working at, with their younger—usually Asian—girlfriends. “An Asian girlfriend means the guy has a small dick,” Reva once said. I’d hear them talk shit about the art. They lamented the success of others. They thought that they wanted to be adored, to be influential, celebrated for their genius, that they deserved to be worshipped. But they could barely look at themselves in the mirror. They were all on Klonopin, was my guess. 

Truly it was hilarious.  There is lots of hating like this.  I haven’t read pure joyful rage like this since LUCKY JIM (side bar, I bet there aren’t too many reviewers connecting those two books). 

Of course the obvious question about this book is about the rent, and how she paid it.  Answer, rich parents.  You got to swallow that one down to enjoy the book, and it’s a tough one.  But there you go: rich people even get to have better misery than poor people.

This aside, I enjoyed MY YEAR OF REST AND RELAXATION, though fair warning, it does not resolve.  At the end of the year, in the last few pages, she wakes up, suddenly feels better, and then, for no reason, 9/11 happens. I mean, I nearly laughed.  Never mind, endings are hard.