WILFUL DISGREGARD by Lena Andersson

This book shows how love is a madness, and not in a cute fun way. This woman meets this semi-famous artist (I mean, let’s not be silly: artists not famous, except in a tiny bubble, but anyway she lives in that bubble). They go out to dinner a lot, talk a lot, but nothing HAPPENS. Then finally things HAPPEN, like three times, and then doesn’t call her very much and she loses her shit.

Thank god she does not do anything publicly embarrassing (e.g., cry at party) but she is a mess: thinking about him obsessively, changing her life to be nearer him, writing him lengthy and shameful emails about ‘their relationship’ Most harrowing is how the cycle repeats: every time she is about to break free, he offers her a little hope, and it begins again. To me it is obvious that he is enjoying the attention, and does not care what it costs her. (You can tell it is a good book because I am talking about it like I know them).

It’s a really unsettling book, because it shows how easy it is to slip into mania, be it about hand washing, about the second coming, or, as here, about a boy.

GONE WITH THE WIND by Margaret Mitchell

GONE WITH THE WIND is a book both profoundly woke and un-woke.  The un-woke part is very famous.  The main characters are slave owners and slave apologists, and it is fascinating to see how they construct a world in which they can still live with themselves. It’s wild to see people living their daily lives while committing atrocities.  The woke part I rarely see discussed, but for me it’s pretty woke: and that’s the character of Scarlett O’Hara. I can’t think of a book previous to this that has a female character who clearly and explicitly manipulates being female to her advantage.  I also can’t think of an earlier female character who makes her own money and is proud of it.

Also interesting, and I think something you rarely see written about, is the really horribly mean act of keeping someone dangling.  Ashley Wilkes does it to Scarlett O’Hara, and it’s really sad. I think this happens a lot: you enjoy someone else having a crush on you, because you like the attention, so instead of doing the kind thing (making it clear they have no hope, so they can get over you), you keep it going, enjoying the validation, and making them go slowly crazy.  Meanwhile you act all innocent like they are the pathetic one.

WHAT I READ IN 2021

The blog tells me I read 67 books this year, one more than last year, and more than any year since 2011.  One reason I keep this blog is as a reminder not just of the books, but of what the books carry with them, which is memories of where they were read. PREP, first book of the year, was in a Zimbabwean garden. SHUGGIE BAIN was read in part at a London coffee shop when we were finally allowed outdoor dining again.  LEAVING CHEYENNE I bought in a tourist trap in South Dakota. ZINKY BOYS was the beach in Croatia. WOW, NO THANK YOU was a flight to Corfu.  MEATY was a five hour delay in Amsterdam airport. 

I did an unusually large number of re-reads of old and beloved friends (EARLY WORK, THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF NATHANIEL P, THE PURSUIT OF LOVE, and NOTHING TO SEE HERE).  I used to not re-read, but I do it increasingly. I think because I realize that there are not so many good ones out there in the world to be found.   I also read a larger amount of non-fiction and self-help (I can recommend FOUR THOUSAND WEEKS if you want to feel like blowing up your life).  Mostly it was fiction though, and it was a banner year.  I struggled to narrow the list of my favourties, so did not bother:

Every book SAMANTHA IRBY has written: (here, here, and here).  I put off this writer for some time, having the impression this was a book of essays was – as so many are – a book of thinly disguised lectures about gender/race/etc.  In fact they are a brilliantly sad and funny, and make you feel less alone in the world. 

UNDER THE SKIN by Michael Faber.  A story about aliens, but from the aliens’ perspective.  Let me tell you, whatever you think it is about, it is not about that.  Just drop everything and read immediately

OUR SPOONS CAME FROM WOOLWORTHS by Barbara Comyns.  A thinly disguised story of her own first marriage.  She wants to be an artist, and she marries an artist, but once a baby comes apparently what she wants doesn’t matter anymore.  A timeless story of being f*cked by gender roles, and very funny.  My one favourite part is that her husband, who to be fair to him, really SUFFERS for his art as he leaves his wife and child to starve, was not a success and is now totally forgotten.  My other favourite part is the amazing biography of the author on the first page, which covers her careers including poodle breeding, house selling, and painting, showing you do not need to sacrifice all to art to be an artist.

ALL MY CATS by Brohumil Hrabal.  I don’t know if I enjoyed it, but I thought about it a lot.  It’s one of the only books I’ve ever read about our relationship to our pets, and it investigates how difficult it is to keep boundaries around love

So far these are all backlist (and in Comyns case, almost a century old), but I also enjoyed the American and British blockbusters this year, CROSSROADS by Jonathan Franzen, and SHUGGIE BAIN by Douglas Stuart.  It’s fashionable to hate on Franzen, and I get the impulse, but I think we have to give it up: the man can write.

Here’s to having less time to read in 2022 because COVID will be OVER.

The list:

FOUR THOUSAND WEEKS by Oliver Burkeman

SOMETIMES I TRIP ON HOW HAPPY WE COULD BE by Nichole Perkins

MAYFLIES by Andrew O’Hagan

BABURNAMA by Babur trans. Annette Beveridge

DARING GREATLY by Brene Brown

SYLVESTER by Georgette Heyer

THE GRAND SOPHY by Georgette Heyer

THE PROMISE by Damon Galgut

WISE BLOOD by Flannery O’Connor

WE ARE NEVER MEETING IN REAL LIFE by Samantha Irby

MODERN ROMANCE by Aziz Ansari

ONE FAT ENGLISHMAN by Kingsley Amis

SWEET SORROW by David Nicholls

THE DUD AVOCADO by Elaine Dundy

MEATY by Samantha Irby

THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE by Philip K Dick

CROSSROADS by Jonathan Franzen

STAY SEXY AND DON’T GET MURDERED by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

BEAUTIFUL WORLD, WHERE ARE YOU by Sally Rooney

OUR SPOONS CAME FROM WOOLWORTHS by Barbara Comyns

SH*T MY DAY SAYS by Justin Halpern

MARIANA BY Monica Dickens

THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY by Laura Jean McKay

FOREIGN AFFAIRS by Alison Lurie

WOW, NO THANK YOU by Samantha Irby

AND THEIR CHILDREN AFTER THEM by Nicolas Mathieu

SEGU by Maryse Conde

ZINKY BOYS by Svetlana Alexievich

LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE by Laura Ingalls Wilder

THE LYING LIFE OF ADULTS by Elena Ferrente

FALSE COLOURS by Georgette Heyer

THE PURSUIT OF LOVE by Nancy Mitford

WINTER IN THE BLOOD by James Welch

LEAVING CHEYENNE by Larry McMurtry

CROSSING SAFELY by Wallace Stegner

THE TRIALS OF RUMPOLE by John Mortimer

THE DEVIL IN THE FLESH by Raymond Radiguet

LOVE LETTERS by Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West

THE DRIVER’S SEAT by Muriel Spark

ALL MY CATS by Brohumil Hrabal

BATH TANGLE by Georgette Heyer

A BURNT-OUT CASE by Graham Greene

STRANGER IN THE SHOGUN’S CITY by Amy Stanley

SHOEDOG by Phil Knight

MOTHERHOOD by Deborah Orr

LITTLE EYES by Samantha Schweblin

UNDER THE SKIN by Michael Faber

COMING UP FOR AIR by George Orwell

THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF NATHANIEL P by Adelle Waldman

SHUGGIE BAIN by Douglas Stuart

THE ENDS OF THE EARTH by Abbie Greaves

THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK by Mark Manson

STORM OF STEEL by Ernst Junger

NOTHING TO SEE HERE by Kevin Wilson

THE LAST PICTURE SHOW by Larry McMurtry

SOME TAME GAZELLE by Barbara Pym

EARLY WORK by Andrew Martin

AN OBEDIENT FATHER by Akhil Sharma

THE INVENTION OF NATURE by Andrea Wulf

THE HANDMAID’S TALE by Margaret Atwood

FIND ME by Andre Aciman

WAR AND TURPENTINE by Stefan Hertmans

DEPT OF SPECULATION by Jenny Offill

YOUR BEST YEAR YET by Jenny Ditzler

FAMILY LIFE by Akhil Sharma

MONOGAMY by Sue Miller

PREP by Curtis Sittenfeld

DARING GREATLY by Brene Brown

Here is a famous self-help book that I decided to give a whirl. The first three chapters were kind of good, but then it got kind of repetitious. The insight is basically that we often do not reach our full potential because we are too afraid of taking a risk, and espeially the risk of what other people will think.

This is a painfully true observation. The worst part I think is that probably we are often not even aware that we are limiting ourselves. If it was conscious, it would be easier to change. So I guess we have to continually challenge ourselves to remember it. I could tell you a lot more about what’s in the book, but the idea is best expressed in the speech by Theordore Roosevelt after which it is named. If you’ve never read it, here it is, you can thank me later:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

ZINKY BOYS by Svetlana Alexievich

An unexpectedly topical read about military misadventure in Afghanistan. There are many to choose from; this is the Soviet one in the 1980s. Alexievich, a Nobel winner I had never heard of, puts together first hand accounts from the Russians who served. It is exceedingly gnarly. At least the American soldiers were provided with the basics. Here is a Russian nurse:

Our boys sold (their hospital camp beds). And I couldn’t really blame them. They were dying for three roubles a month – that was a private’s pay. Three roubles, meat crawling with worms, and scraps of rotten fish. We all had scurvy, I lost all my front teeth. So they sold their blankets and bought opium, or something sweet to eat, or some foreign gimmicks . . . . . the officers drank the surgical spirit so we had to use petrol to clean the wounds.

Almost all the soldiers were exceedingly young recruits, sent with little training, who were told they were going to build a glorious socialist future for their Afghan brothers who welcomed them.

When they died, sent back in Zinc coffins (thus their nickname) no one was allowed to say where they died, or that it was even a war. Later, the survivors were blamed for being involved. The extent of their disillusion is perhaps the most depressing part of this book.

I’m ashamed that in my finals I got an ‘A’ in Scientific Communism for my critique of bourgeois pluralism. I’m ashamed that after the Congress of People’s Deputies pronounced this war a disgrace we were given ‘Internationalist Fighters’ badges and a Certificate from the Supreme Soviet

Putting you life on the line to end bourgeois pluralism. You want to laugh. At the same time, it’s sad how difficult it would now be to convince anyone to die for an ideal. And especially me. I can’t think of any concept for which I’d be willing to lay down my life.